Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
