My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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