After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize