how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
