The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
