Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
