If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
