Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
