I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
