She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
