Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
