Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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