You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
