is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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