Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize