508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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