the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
