Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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