Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
time to smoke my breakfast
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
