you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
