he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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