They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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