i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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