maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
