Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
