I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
