omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You smell like a Billy Joel song
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
