Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
50% drunk capacity currently
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
