If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
