The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
