When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize