I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
