I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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