well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
