I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
