I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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