You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
