We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
