If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
