make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
