I think I died a long time ago.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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