I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
