i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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