I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
do herpes really smell.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
