oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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