Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
