I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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