When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
