9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
