i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
love makes seman taste better
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
