Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I am available for nakedness
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
