When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
We smell like vodka and hangover
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