for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
