He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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