Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
