I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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