i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I take back everything I said about communal showers
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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