i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
