she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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