You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
