you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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