my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
do herpes really smell.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
