I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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