Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize