Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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